Prima Luce

i have this baby...and he is a little ray of sunshine. If you know me or my other two kids than you know that i love them all to the moon and back. Kenzie is a little miss priss/attitude/shopping addict/fashionista/temper-driven/sweet as can be/singing/drawing/intelligent little girly girl. Xander is my 100% boy/swords drawn/dirt lovin/swimming/bed-headed/hugging/passionate/quiet until he's mad little man. But this post is about my third kid. I have given birth to 3 children, but Owen is the first newborn that has been a 'normal' newborn. Kenzie cried...she cried a lot. She had the colic. Then Xander came along and blew everything we knew about colic out of the water. He cried for more hours of the day, then there were hours in the day...if that makes any sense. So these are just some thoughts on my most recent baby...

Owen:
6 months ago today I woke up at 4am and knew something was different. My water had broken and you were on your way. Little did i know that it would be 27 hours later when you finally emerged and i would for 2 months be convinced that you were born on Monday the 20th. You came into the world at 6lbs 12oz and you were beautiful.

I didn't get to hold you very long before you were taken away to be monitored for your oxygen levels. At the moment that you were taken I was just worried about you and wanted you to be cared for...but after seeing you in the nursery with all of those wires attached to you I wanted to hold you so badly and make it all go away. Make you able to breathe easy and be held and nursed like a new baby should be.

I finally got to hold you with all of your wires attached late that day. I was so nervous, the alarms kept going off but the nurse assured me that you were fine. You nursed so well and daddy and i couldn't help but stare at you. I felt awful when i had to call the nurse to come take you back to your bed because i had to find a bathroom!!! :) Late that night a knock came on our door and the nurse said that you were all clear to room in with us. I was so excited to see you and be close to you all the time now. That first night i probably should have been trying to get my rest, but instead i kept you in bed with me, surrounded by pillows, swaddled up nice and warm. God help the nurse that tried to get me to put you in your own bed.
You came home with us on your big brother's birthday...i'm not really sure how happy he was about that but someday you guys will be best buddies.

Since the day you were born you've been such a well behaved little guy. Sure you have your good nights and bad nights, but you sleep and eat just like you should. You have rolls for miles, and i'm secretly very proud of them. You are a little addicted to nursing and have yet to really enjoy any foods, so those rolls...are all me. There is a different kind of bond that i seem to have with you. I'm not sure if it's because you are my last baby...or if we have been successful with nursing this time after 2 failed attempts with your brother and sister. Maybe it's because of those two things combined. Sometimes i get frustrated when nobody else can make you happy but me...sometimes i bask in that. I can't really leave your side for over 3 hours...because try as we may that bottle just won't do. But i don't mind...because you're a good shopping buddy.

You've made me more sure of myself as a mom, as a woman in general. I don't care much about makeup or looking nice anymore. Sure i enjoy getting dressed up and all, but going out to eat after working out with no makeup and ill-fitting workout wear...why not. Your smile can light up a room, and it often does.

I love it when you sleep-in in the morning. Not because i get to as well, because your brother and sister make SURE that i don't...but i love walking into your room when the sun is coming up. The soft light hits the gray walls and then i see your little happy smiling face. I pick you up to feed you and your eyes close again, entirely focused on the issue at hand. When you're done i burp you and your little pudgy hand plays with the curtain, letting in flashes of sunlight that wake you up for the day. I may or may not smell your head, and take you in. I feel your soft cool skin. It's chubby...and i love it. I hear the other kids playing and watching tv, but it seems to fade away, for just a moment while i dive into the baby-ness. I'm all too familiar with how fleeting this time is, and i plan to enjoy it.

So today...on what i still think should be your 6 month birthday...i am feeling reflective. The seasons are changing and warm sunlight streams through our front windows almost daily...and so, i have more photos of you than is healthy for any mother to have. i'm sure the world wide web is equally smitten by you and is sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for new photos...so i must oblige...

:::ahhh::: eyelashes on babies...there is nothing in this world so small and so perfect and so elegant. There is also nothing else that small that I would go out and purchase a lens JUST for capturing...